If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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