remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
