Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
