fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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