You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
