I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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