4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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