found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
