she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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