She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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