Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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