I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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