only you would photoshop your dick
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
