nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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