I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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