you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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