Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish i was in the wii world.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
