We're like a lot better than the average bears
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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