I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
