even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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