I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
