So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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