Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
