Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
