a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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