you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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