Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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