if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
