Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize