broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
