Whod you bang
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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