The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
