then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
tell me about the fingering
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