The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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