Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
