I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
