dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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