after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
