i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
