Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
