cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize