Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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