talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
