is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
