We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
