Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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