you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
