At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
