I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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