Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
