your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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