And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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