I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
