omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
