She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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