Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
