Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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