So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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