youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize