All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
