You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need mimosas to revive my soul
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
