i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
