I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize