And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
