when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
