I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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