Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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