What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
