someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
