she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
