So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
