Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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